oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize
