I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
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