I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
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