Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
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