If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
