Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Randomize
