the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
You made out with two different species that night
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
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