some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
When did we convert life to cartoon?
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
