this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
