So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
