Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Randomize
