my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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