she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
