Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
