thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
well I can't set my house on fire every night
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
