Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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