Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
