apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize
