GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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