that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
