sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
