The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
