I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Randomize
