Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Randomize
