in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Randomize
