so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
And then my night got REAL pukey
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Randomize
