My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
