My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
