so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
