Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Randomize
