I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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