her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
