She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Randomize
