I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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