sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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