areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
