I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
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