Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Randomize
