John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
