I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
I yelled at your uterus for you.
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