to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
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