You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
He felt like a one man threesome
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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