I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
