Cold hands, warm shart.
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
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