She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
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