Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
my god I love twenty year old dicks
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
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