Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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