I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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