Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Randomize
