What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
