well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
