How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
